[He winces as the bookcase falls with a loud crash. Welp. He wasn't expecting John to be so excited. It's not like he was gone for hours. Maybe an hour or so because he had to stop by the bank and fuck people take a long time at the ATMs for some reason.]

Woah, someone's forward today. I was gone only an hour tops. Unless your stomach is a blackhole of some sort, I really doubt you were gonna starve within an hour.

Couldn't wait a little longer? I can't really get my major cuddles on with bags in my hands. You're tempting me and here I am, trying to be the good husband and bring home the bacon and now I got Egderp glued to me like it ain't no thang.