Jeremiah Gottwald (
canceller) wrote in
robodicking2020-06-21 02:43 pm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
Entry tags:
the Great Roughing of It is at hand
[When they picked a direction to go, there had been an entire slew of factors to weigh. There was no wrong answer when the work they’d be doing could have them combing the entire planet for loose ends to tie up, conflict to settle. Geass could be anywhere and everywhere, but they could only be in one place at a time. Populous areas came with increased security, and any facial recognition would expose them. In times where everyone could celebrate peace, ne’er-do-wells would have to drift outward to move as freely.
The Geass Order had operated as such, placed so remotely as to safely isolate itself. Or rather, the Thought Elevator had been, and the Order had grown around it. If they had been drawn to it, it might be a worthwhile lead to venture towards other gateways around the planet, to see if any strange activity pops up in their vicinity. It’s as good a place to start as any.
Siberia’s summers are mild but short, so they take the opportunity to travel when they can. The forests are sprinkled with lush green this time of year, seasonal plants that can’t thrive the same as the evergreens towering above, the fields in the towns they pass through full and ready for harvest. The undertaking they have may be a heavy burden, but Jeremiah would be lying if he said he wasn’t taking pleasure in the sights along the way.
He imagines C.C. lived like this, must still be living like this. She had disappeared after the Zero Requiem, and if Lelouch knows to where or why, he hasn’t said. If it burdens him, he hasn’t shared that either, but the team he makes with Lelouch has worked well so far. When they have to carry everything down to the bedding they sleep on, Jeremiah feels at least a little uniquely qualified for the job of taking the brunt of it. Today is no different, his pack tightly organized and secured around his waist and shoulders, moving at the vanguard down the dirt path they’re on with almost as much ease as he would without the extra weight.
Just as long as he makes sure he doesn’t leave Lelouch lagging behind. He doesn’t exactly want to embarrass his prince, but slowing to a crawl would feel too coddling, unless he was asked to.]
The Geass Order had operated as such, placed so remotely as to safely isolate itself. Or rather, the Thought Elevator had been, and the Order had grown around it. If they had been drawn to it, it might be a worthwhile lead to venture towards other gateways around the planet, to see if any strange activity pops up in their vicinity. It’s as good a place to start as any.
Siberia’s summers are mild but short, so they take the opportunity to travel when they can. The forests are sprinkled with lush green this time of year, seasonal plants that can’t thrive the same as the evergreens towering above, the fields in the towns they pass through full and ready for harvest. The undertaking they have may be a heavy burden, but Jeremiah would be lying if he said he wasn’t taking pleasure in the sights along the way.
He imagines C.C. lived like this, must still be living like this. She had disappeared after the Zero Requiem, and if Lelouch knows to where or why, he hasn’t said. If it burdens him, he hasn’t shared that either, but the team he makes with Lelouch has worked well so far. When they have to carry everything down to the bedding they sleep on, Jeremiah feels at least a little uniquely qualified for the job of taking the brunt of it. Today is no different, his pack tightly organized and secured around his waist and shoulders, moving at the vanguard down the dirt path they’re on with almost as much ease as he would without the extra weight.
Just as long as he makes sure he doesn’t leave Lelouch lagging behind. He doesn’t exactly want to embarrass his prince, but slowing to a crawl would feel too coddling, unless he was asked to.]
no subject
(He's only ever hated St. Petersburg, the feeling of that entire place like falling headlong into nausea. The intrinsic loathing that filled him then, so acrid and retching, ensured their entourage didn't stay long. He can't remember it at all, how such a location could induce such anger from him, but it's likely the same reason he can't look upon sunflowers now without being wracked with sadness.)
So they're here, braving the coastal tundra. At their right, the Sea of Okhotsk, frothing and bright. At their left, formerly a principality of Euro Britannia, Magadan, its cottages receding away to reveal grasslands. And in front of them, the path they're treading on.
The sun's at its conspicuously highest point right now. Only early afternoon and it's jewel-bright, his shoes sodden from the marsh as Lelouch walks on with the pack. Their party need to keep this stride until nightfall. Perhaps just another day's left until the deadline to rectify the damage, given the last few towns of people frozen in time they've passed until the very moment Jeremiah implemented his canceller.
Were the circumstances different, perhaps they'd be sightseeing. Now, however, Lelouch has walked several kilometers since morning and the once razor-edge flair of dramatics and grandstanding has waned into huffing and puffing well where he lags well behind everyone else. So shameful, as he brusquely ignores the worries voiced by every single person who slows down expressly for his sake. Bits and pieces of his conversation can be overheard, given that Lelouch is panting a racehorse between each rebuke. ]
... Your concern is as moving as it always is. [ So sarcastic, as he waves yet another member of the group ever onward. ] ... That's absurd. Maintain pace. ... We need to make progress.
[ Don't look at him, Jeremiah. He doesn't need to be acknowledged right now. ]
no subject
Whether or not that was truly an overestimation has yet to be seen. Caravan is the best way for them to move for the time being, so there's no helping this leg of the journey unless they were to split off and acquire a pair of horses. A group is still safer than the two of them alone, no matter how much Jeremiah prides in his ability to protect, so they've stayed the course.
They've also gone unrecognized thus far, unsurprising but relieving all the same. No one wants to find the ghost of the Demon Emperor, so no looks for him in Lelouch's face. He's just a young man, handsome but in a delicate way; those around them long enough have been able to place him as someone of good breeding and education. Observing the two of them together, admittedly, makes it worse. Jeremiah may have his mask buried with his belongings and a contact on the right to make his eyes match for plainness's sake, but he can't hide the trace of his mannerisms, his deferral to Lelouch's decisions and judgments despite being the older of the two. Perhaps they assume him a former guard or butler to the family. Jeremiah isn't terribly concerned with what people think, as long as it's not the truth.
Silly to think that he would change so just for another layer of falsehood. Par for the course, he drifts slightly further out to the side and shortens his steps, letting himself slowly fall behind. No one checks in on him for this, but this isn't the first time he's done it. He doesn't end up back at Lelouch's side right away, but his sensitive ear can tell when his huffing breath gets louder that he's closed the distance.
It may be a game of wills, but Jeremiah often loses first to spare him the indignity of asking. It won't do to have one of them sick with exhaustion, no matter how pressing time may be. He just quietly falls in line with Lelouch, observing him for but a moment before unhooking his canteen from his hip, opening it, and holding it in silent offering. If there's anything new he's learned, it's that he must be as firm as Lelouch is stubborn sometimes. There wasn't question when it came to receiving commands as a piece on his mental chessboard, but existing in this capacity together sometimes requires a different approach, treacherous as it feels.]
no subject
So he won't trot out the old excuses, like the insufficiency of the body he was born into, poor health but high breeding. Strength has to come from inside of himself first before he can compel of it of anyone else. That was his mistake as Zero: expecting others to buy into deceit when men are compelled to live and die only by their hearts. Arrogance, his everlasting curse. It's more sempiternal than even the geass he can call upon effortlessly, as if willing his soul to the forefront with every order.
And he thinks of C.C. often, always. Wherever she must be in this world, if she's still suffering under immortality and the promise he'd made and broken with her. It's what is on his mind right now, steps conforming to the stride of the crowd, as Jeremiah's pace slows and slows to take him to the back of their entourage.
His ego's bruised for it. Lelouch doesn't answer Jeremiah's silent entreaty at first as the last of the stragglers rejoin the front until it's merely the two of them at the back, walking across the expanse like venturing into the great unknown. ]
Do I look that miserable?
[ Oh, it hurts.
Though a scathing voice can't hide Lelouch's dismay as he takes up the canteen he's handed, and drinks. For pragmatism's sake, and the fact he probably will collapse in another hour or so if left to his own devices. It's like gluttony, wanting for yet another sip of water, though Lelouch has already finished half of the contents before he can bring himself to stop. His thin fingers are shaking even as he returns it to Jeremiah, though his head's held as high as always. In spite of the sweat and exhaustion and his own petulance, Lelouch can only ever be himself. ]
Showing me pity is bad form, you know. [ No one's going to trust him if he needs to be fussed over like a child. And yet, there's gratitude. ] ... Thank you, Jeremiah.
[ Lelouch can't emulate overwhelming pomposity when he's this tired, but he does his best. ]
We've still a ways to go, if we're to catch our target before the peninsula. By my calculations, he shouldn't be due for another few days, but let's continue observing discretion for now. [ Without any further precursor, Lelouch unfurls the map he'd neatly tucked into one pocket and holds it out with both hands. No GPS. He can will people to forget his face as many times as needed with Jeremiah at his side, but leaving a digital signature of his current ongoings would cause more problems than it'd resolve. ] I leave the choice to you today. Once nightfall arrives, where should we rest?
[ An empty question, given that Lelouch has gone to the trouble of neatly circling locales he personally approves of in red ink like the domineering young man he is. It's only a matter of Jeremiah picking the lesser of many great evils. ]
no subject
His appreciation is a good sign though, in spite of his exertion, the heaviness he seems to be carrying in his mind. It's rare to find Lelouch not ruminating on something, and his mood only gives Jeremiah an inkling as to what, but he's gotten slightly better at reading it now. Today, it's a somber pinch to the corners of his eyes, the downturn of his mouth when he frowns a little deeper than usual.
Though he doesn't speak of it, Jeremiah finds himself scanning every crowd they enter, every street they walk down for a brilliant streak of chartreuse hair or piercing gold eyes. It may not officially be their secondary mission, but if there was any way to find C.C., wandering the corners of the earth as she does might be their best one. He wouldn't pretend to have known her, much less understood her as lofty as she was, but she and Lelouch were never far apart. The attachment was clear, whatever the gravity of it was for them. Jeremiah can only assume the loneliness he sometimes sees in his eyes is in the wake of that, and it pains him.
Scanning the map, he lets his retinal display do some of the quick logistical work. Roads, topography, ways in and out if they need to flee, it's all pertinent information he knows Lelouch already considered and calculated, but the second opinion provided by similar data doesn't feel remiss. His left eye stops flickering slightly once he's done, and after mulling it over, he taps one of the circles to the northwest.] This looks ideal.
[Another unsuspecting household to invite themselves into? Likely. It's not the most tasteful of methods, but inns are far too conspicuous to rely much on. Jeremiah would be lying if it wasn't worth it for the luxury of sleeping in a bed rather than on the ground, the times thus far they've had no other options. His enhanced constitution makes him more than hardy enough to withstand whatever conditions befall them, but he know he's still accustomed to a much cushier lifestyle.]
Do we need to acquire any provisions before then? [He's eyeing the more densely clustered buildings around slightly wider lines he assumes to be the center of town, not too great a distance away from where he chose.]
no subject
There's more he's had yet to acknowledge, like the whereabouts of his mother and what Jeremiah might be inclined to do, should he ever discover the fate of the late empress consort Marianne vi Britannia, drowning within the subconscious of all existence. How his magnanimity might change— what retribution Jeremiah might feel necessary to enact upon him, her traitorous son, in her stead.
Rather than devote more time to imagining what form the stranglehold of Jeremiah Gottwald's vengeance will take when it comes to inevitably choke him, Lelouch hums. ]
Then it's settled. I'll call in myself once we're in city limits.
[ With his burner phone and the trail of anonymity he strives to leave behind, of course. Lelouch hides in plain sight now, stripped of the ostentation that is his birthright, just another young man out of many. He points where Jeremiah's gaze has followed to the town center. They're in luck coming here in the height of harvest with the farmers' market in full swing. ]
We're running low on rations, so resupplying should be our first priority. We'll be able to travel by caravan from there. Afterwards... [ His discipline wavers a touch over the thought indulgences like the teas and the sweets he's missed, but only a moment. Folding the map back up, Lelouch assumes a brisker pace. ] ... well, no need to concern yourself with every detail. Rest assured, we won't be caught. There are at least ten routes out of the location you've chosen. Twelve, if current weather conditions persist.
[ Though only Lelouch will suffer the penalty of death, should it come down to it, whether it's under a sky this clear and sprawling or in stormy weather. Moreover, he likely can't die anymore, given the code wrapped about his collarbones, but he's not about to ask Jeremiah to whip his handgun out at point-blank range and shoot him to see if it finds its mark. ]
By the way... how's the trip treating you so far?
[ Traveling with him, though Lelouch is ill-humored and contemptuous and unbearably dramatic in all respects. ]
no subject
(Had he stayed around and become acquainted properly with Anya, that may have been a different story. The geass used against her had been so immense to undo that she hadn't regained consciousness until well after Jeremiah had landed the Mordred and handed her over to be imprisoned, just like everyone else. She'd looked well when he saw her at Villetta and Ohgi's wedding, and that had been reassurance enough that she'd be okay.)
Marianne's memory has been done justice as they'd planned, if that was the end point to pledging his fealty. So long as her children should live, though, it's only felt natural to fall back on his original post from those years ago and continue to guard them. Funny, now that he's become more fallible than the one he'd protect, bulletproof but not truly immune should one strike him through a gap in his armor.
Even so, he would have balked at Lelouch embarking on this alone. For safety's sake, yes, even without the threat of mortality, but pushing himself into isolation seemed too tragic a fate for Jeremiah to stand.]
It may not be the most glorious way I've traveled, I'll admit. [His smile widens dryly; he can't really complain when his legs can walk mile after mile without tiring the same, but it's a detail he needn't rub in anyone's face.] I thought the pace on foot would grow dull, but there's really no better way to take in the sights, is there?
[All afternoon, he's found his gaze drawn to the hazy mountains ever lying in the distance, the hug of the sea around the steep, green-swathed rise of the land. Slowly, the view changes, giving some sense to their progress as they venture onward. They may be on a schedule, but there's something so deeply refreshing at taking the world at this speed. Jeremiah's been an urban dweller for so long, the appeal hadn't called to him until he was already in the midst of it. Now, he's not so sure he'd go back to that lifestyle so readily.]
no subject
[ And so through suffering the highest pleasures of the world and the lowest despairs can be dealt. Everything operates upon that principle, meeting Jeremiah's smile with too much wryness. ]
I'm sure those two would enjoy a sight like this. [ Nunnally and the man that's come to be known as Zero, he means. If he should stop think upon them now, he'll invariably succumb to what he's left behind. So Lelouch presses on, as any man forever on his deathbed should. The ghost of a demon and foregone royalty in this new and fledgling era struggling to live just as much as anyone else. ] ... Well, they have their plans, and we, our own. Rebuke me, should I falter.
[ And lay him to rest, should Jeremiah see fit to hold him accountable. But no time for that now; Lelouch broadens his stride to robustness, shouldering his small pack, compared to the humungous one Jeremiah's hoisting about.
Hours go on like that, trekking along the path. An intermittent break, here and there. A few pit-stops to gather their bearings. It's late afternoon by the time they arrive, the rollicking hills they've passed dappled in sunset, the embankment parallel to the sea lined with boats all about the dock, sails waving like slow flags. Low winds, high humidity. Lelouch is sweating in his clothes as he stops their party by the seaside wharf.
Give him a moment, all but collapsed where he's leaning up against the shade of a tree, to speak up. ]
... If all else fails, we'll catch the geass user by boat. ... Only in the worst-case scenario. ... For now, R1 will do reconnaissance, and R2 will secure the caravans at the check point. We'll reconvene at Point E in 2100 hours. [ Huff, huff. Nine PM should be more than enough time to settle all outstanding affairs. ] ... Everyone's dismissed.
[ Save for Jeremiah, who will stay with him to gather supplies and secure their base of operations for the evening, but that's a given. The vanguard disperses, leaving only the two of them here looking like tourists in eastern Siberia as Lelouch turns to bestow upon his companion the gift of yet another question. ]
What should we attend to first?
[ Work, or leisure? ]
no subject
Ultimately, he's left protecting them by removing himself entirely. Jeremiah hopes it won't have to remain this way forever, but he knows better than to press the matter now.]
You're still correct, Your Majesty. They would enjoy it here.
[Freeing, being able to use the title when they're alone. Lelouch will have to break him of it if he wants it to stop, now that he no longer carries that mantle in any other sense. They make good time from there, heartened by the determination to press on. By the time they reach their destination, even Jeremiah can feel the weary weight settling into his limbs of a long day's trek. The warmth clinging to the air is stifling enough to prompt him to shuffle his pack, tucking his jacket in and rolling up his sleeves as Lelouch lays out the plans. By the time he finishes, Jeremiah's re-shouldered everything, ready to embark to their next stop.
Considering the leg of their journey they just completed, slowing their pace for a moment seems both wise and favorable.]
Are you hungry at all? We could stop somewhere, or see what food vendors might be at the market.
no subject
I've certainly worked up an appetite. Perhaps you share that sentiment. [ He observes him from beneath his lashes, head tilted up just so, as if he's tipped his favor. Eyes dark despite the brightness of the day, the shadows that come with evening yet to properly coalesce. ] We may as well be insatiable.
[ When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Though Jeremiah doesn't make for half the monster Lelouch is, having carried out his revenge and living on regardless, like a creature of spite and animosity in the world he loves; the world Nunnally loves, as well.
Lelouch leads the way ahead, venturing into the city. The weather's balmier in the main plaza, where people crisscross the market currently in full swing. A line of restaurants on either side of the streets, and the bustle of people of all types, tourists and those who make their livelihood. Weaving in and out, he guides them through, purchases a small tray of pelmeni, fried omul, two types of blini, shawarma for Jeremiah— and for himself, one sweet pirozhki. Being a bit of a charlatan himself, he carefully avoiding any incoming collision with pickpockets, walking the street-way. ]
Need to parch your thirst?
[ Since he drank all the water a couple hours back like the voracious gremlin he is, it's only fair to offer. ]
no subject
Jeremiah isn't waiting with bated breath for a day where he'll perhaps share those burdens more, but he'll be right there if Lelouch ever allows it. So long as he wishes to throw himself headlong into anything and everything else, whether in avoidance or not, he'll be there too.]
Yes, please. [It's not remotely said as a tease, even as he's been quietly looking for somewhere to refill their canteens for a while. There seems no shortage of options for other beverages as he's looked around, though his gaze ultimately falls upon a stall with tall glass dispensers of what appears to be cider.
Foreign language was never much of an interest of his even when he was learning it in his schooling, but what he can translate from a simple visual scan has taught him a good deal, particularly the Cyrillic alphabet. Closer inspection to their sign tells him it's apple kvass, not cider, but it matters little now that he's made up his mind. When he approaches, he orders two glasses in slightly choppy Russian, one for each of them.
Lelouch may have stepped in and paid for everything before Jeremiah could get a word in, but his pride urges him to treat him in turn. Even if he did guzzle down all the water.]
no subject
He's sitting out on one of the empty open-air tables, people-watching, listening intently to intermittent slips of conversation. His Russian is serviceable, brought up by his tutors as a child and later perfected under the care of the Ashford family, but his grasp on Japanese is atrocious; years later and he's still never fully conquered kanji. It evades him still, like the existence he led before receding from view.
Folded into the seat as Jeremiah brings back two whole goblets of what appears to be apple cider, he offers his thanks, takes a grateful sip. ]
I used to make a game of watching others. An idle pastime of mine, trying to understand strangers at just a glance. People give away so much with just a look. [ Talking like he's the chess master that stands atop the world, Lelouch heeds the same old habits. He samples more the drink, fizzy and bubbling. ] Does that count as voyeurism? Still, I've always preferred conclusiveness over doubt.
[ Knowing for certain is everything. It's why everything was a distraction save for his father, why he had to go digging up the circumstances behind his mother's death, why he couldn't be content with his sister. And it's why he's here now, smiling with so much mirth at Jeremiah, once his enemy and now the man he entrusts his life to. ]
Tell me about yourself, Jeremiah. Anything is fine. We've been traveling together for nearly a year now. It'd do you good to talk about what's on your mind.
no subject
Lelouch's comments come as little surprise, perhaps even as a show of good spirits. It matters not where they are, how grand or modest his lot in life, he'll likely always sound like a ruler.] I don't think it's quite that invasive, if people do offer it up so easily. Curiosity of others is already a very human inclination.
[Tilting his head in thought, he takes a sip of his drink, mulling it over to note the differences between what he'd assumed it was. Different, but quite good, and as refreshing as he'd been looking for. The small feast Lelouch acquired looks equally tempting, but he's not about to dig in this very second, just to speak around a mouthful.]
Hm... [He would ask in turn what Lelouch wants to know, but that's not in the spirit of things. What's on his mind, then.] Have I told you much about my family?
no subject
[ As if he'd sound aggrieved by that; he's anything but dismayed, fingers pressed up against the cold glass, condensation beading over the surface. If Lelouch meant to contest him, he could do so easily. Prompted to, he could spell out every intimate detail on Jeremiah Gottwald sequestered in the public archive, a rough but thorough narrative of his early life and the events leading up to the late empress consort Marianne's untimely death and Lelouch and Nunnally's subsequent exile to Japan. It's on the tip of his tongue.
Instead, staring into the contents of his cup, near-overfull with sweetness, and the corners of his mouth tug upward. Not the selfishness inlaid in deceit that he gives his friends and enemies alike, and not that sad, despairing grin that crosses his face whenever Nunnally enters his thoughts.
What Lelouch imparts upon Jeremiah is a real smile. ]
I know how you are. I won't press the issue. [ Not that he could; the power to control Jeremiah so one-sidedly has been wrested out of his hands, and it's nothing he'd seek to use. Not for this. ] What I'm asking for is a favor.
[ Much like a wish that is geass, sometimes an unbearable curse and sometimes his only hope. ]
Will you tell me?
no subject
[The expression on his face still has Jeremiah feeling caught by surprise. He's spent more than enough time in Lelouch's company to pin most of his unmasked emotions as they show themselves. His usual prideful sneer with which he faces the inferior world around him suits him well, befits someone of his caliber, in Jeremiah's ever-biased opinion. But these sorts of smiles always seem to look a wholly different kind of natural on his features, in a way he still can't put his finger on.
He doesn't linger on it for long, pausing mostly to think on where to begin.]
I'm reminded of them by some of the cuisine here, its similarity to what you find in eastern Europe. [Jeremiah settles a little further back, tucking his elbows comfortably on the wrought metal arms of his seat, fingers laced.] The House of Gottwald originated in Germany before fleeing to Britannia, but my mother's ancestry mostly lies across the Balkans.
These weren't things that mattered greatly to my parents, because like many of the nobility, they saw their foregone European roots as proving little. What mattered was the glory with which they continued their lines and served the empire. But one of my uncles on her side had a passion for the food. Any time we visited he and my aunt would plan an elaborate meal, no matter the occasion. When they entertained proper, the buffet tables were always the showpiece at any gathering they held, certainly a more international spread than I was accustomed to at home. But he liked to serve family recipes for the family most, alongside more contemporary Britannian staples. Mother didn't care for it much, but my sister and I certainly did.
no subject
Jeremiah regales such a staggeringly tender account of his family, so soft he's briefly lost in it. Lelouch is unbearably jealous, and irreconcilably envious, but mostly just entranced by talk of conviviality. He forgets even his ego-driven obsession to manipulate everyone around him, if just for a moment; it's the clink of ice cubes splitting in his drink that calls him back, mulling awhile over it. ]
This is precisely why I have to ask. Because the honorable don't hold enough regard for themselves. You'd tell me whether or not you should have, simply because I'd like to know.
[ Acting always for someone else and never for himself, not glory-seeking but devoted to the crown, even to his own detriment: that's the kind of thinking that will eventually destroy Jeremiah, should Lelouch never cut him loose from fealty. He knows that well enough, given that his childhood friend is also predisposed to being a self-sacrificing martyr more often than not.
Family gatherings, is it? Funny how he can't imagine it, but hearing of Jeremiah's sister is enough to fill in the gaps between. ]
It sounds pleasant. I would have liked to attend one for myself.
no subject
It feels a little cruel to speak of what he does, he realizes too late. Mentioning Lilycia must be what does it for him, bringing more than just his own sister to mind. A surface-level similarity. He'd simply have preferred to uplift Lelouch with whatever he chose to talk about, if possible, but the smile from before has faded off.
Shaking a chill from settling over his heart, Jeremiah frowns at his folded hands. Around them, the buzz of passerby and countless conversations makes their silence all the louder in his ears.] Forgive me, I feel I must contest this idea of "should" or "should not." [He glances up to Lelouch, puzzlement pulling at his brows.] I wished to share in turn, that seems justification enough to do so.
no subject
Holding Clovis in the trigger-sights of his gun that day everything changed, there's only one thing that's remained at the forefront of his mind. ]
You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, I suspect I've demanded far too much of you at times. So there's something I'd like you to clarify for me.
[ What in fanaticism separates chivalric good and illimitable evil? Commanding people to heed him always, sempiternally, is a power that can only corrupt.
Lelouch leans in, emphatic, dizzyingly close. Claustrophobic, the way they keep company, with no regard for what came before and what will come after. How Jeremiah once plotted out his death, and how he nearly allowed Jeremiah to die in turn, weeping and thinking only of Marianne, though it's evident now that she only cared for herself and a paradise that could never be. Endlessly vain in the same respect that her firstborn is. Only inches apart from Jeremiah's face, Lelouch lowers his voice. ]
Jeremiah, if I asked you to off yourself, would you? [ Another raucous cheer goes up in the crowd. Children playing in the fountains even this late in the day, the city's residents going about their business, tourists continuing to snap pictures in the pavilion. Lelouch attempts to drown all of that out with sheer proximity alone, searching Jeremiah's gaze for signs of deceit. Don't lie to him. ] Disregarding desire and intent... if only because I asked.
no subject
The answer takes him a moment, searching Lelouch's face all the while, life carrying on all around them, uncaring. Their silence is still deafening. It's not as if he'll be able to ascertain the rest of his thoughts he's not voicing, no matter how long he looks. A year and change and sometimes it's just as hard to understand him as it is to sometimes read him simply by observing.]
No. [Jeremiah swallows, feeling an immediate pull of guilt in spite of what is surely a sensible reasoning.] If you simply asked me to die with nothing to be gained, it would be a waste.
[As if they haven't both ended lives they could have both spared, had they chosen. Simply put, Jeremiah had prepared since pledging himself to Lelouch for the day he would need to sacrifice himself, if it was ever needed of him. His own life wasn't greater than the plan he had for the world, Jeremiah would give it to see everything through, a stepping stone closer to their goal. It hadn't come to that, though, and he shelved thoughts of dying for his master for another day, under dire circumstances and nothing less.
Should Lelouch want him to explain, he'll do so. If he doesn't, inquiring why? wouldn't likely do much, so Jeremiah instead sits quietly and waits for the next move, wondering if he still looks caught in the headlights.]
no subject
[ Carefully conceived ideals are nothing upon death; he acknowledges the uneasy swallow of Jeremiah's throat, unable to be suppressed, and recedes back. Elbow propped up on the table, he beseeches his cheek into his open palm.
All the while, Lelouch eyes him, examining Jeremiah's answer at length. He's an emperor of a thousand dead and countless more who have given up their lives to his cause, for his sake, some willing and others coerced into the act. More that he hasn't spared his wrath; he's always been alone in his anger, having lived his life only for vengeance. It could be so dissatisfying. Half of him is compelled to tell Jeremiah of his mother after all, how he allowed her to die for good, rather than accept a world closed off from possibility, lacking even a future. The other half, the part of Lelouch that wins out, is the part that deigns to take another sip of the drink, now more water than cider.
It'll pass. These feelings in Jeremiah— the loyalty he's bequeathed to someone so traitorous— it will all pass eventually. But Lelouch can't know everything. Peering into what he can read of Jeremiah's heart comes with the risk of his own being read in turn. ]
Nevertheless, how you treat your life is your own business. Whether you live or die, if it's by my side, I can't complain.
[ If Jeremiah's that devoted to him, he'll invariably die, some despairing affair fit for no one. C.C. was his shield and she's died endlessly for Lelouch's sake in his descent into hell. Even back from that crusade of revenge wholly intact, many, many more will sacrifice themselves for him. Jeremiah may yet be another one among that tally, if he allows it. ]
Haven't you ever wanted to be free?
[ No master to serve, no lord to suffer under. Right now, he could be anywhere, anyone; with Britannia's hierarchy dismantled for bureaucratic red tape, there's no door that would be closed to him, should he have the drive and will to aspire for heights greater than himself.
So, why? ]
Why did you join me?
no subject
The warmth of the day isn’t abating, but it’s pleasant now that they’re at rest, the light of early evening growing ever warmer, redder, painting the backdrop of mountains around them. A beautiful setting, life flourishing around them, almost mocking as Jeremiah wonders the thread in his mind he must currently be following for him to speak of things so morbidly.]
I joined you because- [you’re still alive sits in his mouth, the most concise answer to his uninterrupted loyalty, but he swallows it.] my work wasn’t yet done. You still have need of accomplices, and I am still willing to serve. I could never have retired to a peaceful world with little need of another soldier or assassin, when you would be continuing to fight in the shadows for justice. These are evils few others could defeat as we can, after all.
[His frown only deepens as he concludes his thought, still just as troubled. Strange, to find himself scrutinizing his lord in turn, but he can’t help but search for the things unsaid in vain. There's few other ways to get answers but to pry, his restless questions refusing to fade from the forefront.]
Whatever weighs on your mind seems quite heavy tonight. You don't often ask me these sorts of things.
no subject
I'm not questioning your loyalty.
[ If circumstances were different, if he wasn't so irredeemable, he would heed his imploring for more understanding. His villainy hasn't changed; he hasn't assumed any particular goodness by chasing after other geass users, only grown more arrogant in the ways Lelouch always has been, intrinsic to his nature.
What's changed is the matter of his mortality; neither of them have spoken of it, and yet it lingers on, insidious and preying every forthcoming day.
So at least now, while the sky waxed from blue to gold, and the day lapsed into night, does his speak up. His expression is inscrutable, but the fervor of the words he picks out electric, like static in the air, predisposed to shock. If not Jeremiah, then himself. ]
I thought you might like to seek out happiness one day. It isn't something you'll be able to find, should you remain with me.
no subject
The list of things unsaid feels like it's slowly growing, bit by bit, missed moment by moment even if would never come to light. There's a hollowness in Lelouch's eyes he catches from time to time, sometimes for mere seconds, sometimes for longer. As much as he'd proclaim his master to be infallible, he knows the pain exists no matter if he sees it, bereft of the things in his life he held dear. Burning bridges one by one and constantly searing himself in the process. If death was his release from the repercussions of his own life, he's been robbed of that too.
Selfish, so unforgivably selfish that he should be so glad his liege lives on regardless of his own desire to, cherished and brilliant and suffering.]
I would... venture to say differently, my lord. [He speaks haltingly once he finds his voice, his astonishment tempered but not silent. There's an iron grip wrapping its way around his chest, and he prays it loosens itself before it gets the better of him.] I've already found what I'm seeking at your side. This is where I wish to be.
no subject
Enduring this arduously, Jeremiah must be the same. Something beyond his loyalty, that'd move him even in the depths of despair. In C.C. it was reciprocity, and in Suzaku it was atonement, but Lelouch can't ascribe a name to the feeling in himself. Sometimes, greed. Sometimes, generosity. And sometimes, risk, waiting here as the sun sinks lower and lower along the sky as if it wishes to be swallowed up by the earth. As Lelouch had once thought he'd be swallowed up by the grave, Nunnally's tears his very last regret. And Jeremiah— already out of his line of sight that day, carrying out his will to the last.
Lelouch huffs, too much air to properly culminate as laughter. Only a table separates them. Only the distance between his hand and Jeremiah's, his own set upon the table as the lampposts warm and glow, incandescent with light.
Jeremiah's eyes are so feverish from up close; like he's struggling to contain something that should split his breath with pain were he to voice it aloud, and still Lelouch presses on as if he is truly beholding his heart, rather than merely humoring his response. ]
And what is it that you've sought and found? Enlighten me.
[ Purpose, meaning? Those are things that can come from anyone, and anywhere. There's no glory to being at his side, nothing to champion. Only an endless, endless pursuit to topple the dreams of those who aspire to heights greater than what can contain them.
It's what geass is, in essence: infinite blessings, and infinite curses. A wish that cannot be forsaken by the one who harbors it. Lelouch looks upon him not as a king seated upon his throne, who seeks counsel from his knight, but as one man to another. Not at all infallible, but better off for it, speaking as he does from the heart. ]
no subject
Becoming the Knight of One.
[A faint smile extends over his features, more nostalgic and amused than anything when he summons the defunct title.] Or at least, something to that effect. It's an old ambition of mine, one I absolved to seek in light of my failures as a young man. To strive to better myself until I could hold the highest station I could, to be bestowed the greatest honor of serving as my emperor's right hand.
[He pauses, his voice dropping somewhat in intensity when he speaks again, impassioned as he ever remains on the subject. Parts of it draw strength in him, parts of it feed off of sorrow from hard lessons learned.]
It would also serve as proof to myself that I was finally strong enough to be entrusted once more with the lives of the royal family. I've had no greater regrets, it seemed the best choice was to do everything in my power to protect that which was precious to me.
[His gaze has drifted off, but he brings it back to the young man sitting across from him. Eyes intense, watching him, no inch of him mocking or derisive for his convictions. It's all he really hopes to see when he gets to carrying on like this. Jeremiah's smile grows a little.] It doesn't seem to matter what station life has handed you; I've only ever seen the same greatness with which you've continued to fight as though you've always worn the crown. Even now. How could I possibly turn away from that?
no subject
[ Any greatness Lelouch has aspired toward, he's fallen short of; every miracle an act of calculation, smokes and mirrors with which to deceive others.
But he's decimated by a stare which contextualizes Jeremiah's words from earlier, a reprieve from the assaultive burden that the power of the king grants Lelouch, long after he's been stripped of all titles. He'd never intended to live to see the end of his wish, knowing full well what becomes of those who should want for more than they're given.
And yet, Lelouch can't scoff at this dream. ]
Honestly... then, I'll knight you. [ With one fluid stroke, Lelouch closes the take-out box, and tips in; less dramatized, more fervent. Seeking Jeremiah's gaze upon him as he himself seeks Jeremiah out. ] Though this isn't a very fitting location. Wait until the sun comes out, at least.
[ No good comes of dealing with darkness; this is an hour better suited to conniving, as Lelouch rises from his seat, pulling all of the accoutrements on, his backpack slung just as heavily as always. ]
... Let's get the busywork done. Pleasure can come after business.
[ He extends his hand. Will you take it, knight? In grasping it, he'll entrust onto Jeremiah his life. That, and the grocery trip. They'll need at least a day's worth of food. Perhaps more, depending. But nothing can start until Jeremiah reaches out for himself. ]
no subject
Master Lelouch...
[His voice is hushed, softly reverent. It feels dangerous using his name in any crowd of any size, no matter how quietly it's said, but he can't contain it. The tightness in his chest that had faded returns, but it's different this time.
There's no need for titles. There's no need for any of these old conventions, he knows, even as he stands by them himself. It's impossible to say where this new world will take itself, as untouched by their hands as it must remain to survive, but the world as it exists for the two of them is theirs to continually shape as they see fit. Lelouch doesn't have to knight anyone anything, might even be tired of it for all he knows, but he knows Jeremiah. He's familiar with the gravity these things hold for him even if he hadn't known its name, so he'd granted it.
It's why Jeremiah won't listen when he says he can't find happiness here. If Lelouch sincerely believed that with all his heart, he wouldn't have bothered to bestow him with such a promise. They probably wouldn't even be having this conversation at all.
Taking his offered hand, slim and pale in his own, Jeremiah uses his other to grab hold of his pack, and rises to his feet. He doesn't mask his smile, reaching all the way to pinch the corners of his eyes, shining with conviction in the lamplight.] Yes, Your Majesty.
no subject
Take care not to lower your guard, Jeremiah. [ To those around them, and to Lelouch himself. ] Although... if you're content, I can't ask for any more than that.
[ With their belongings gathered, Lelouch leads them both on down the avenue and into the grocery store. Reconvening with groups R1 and R2 at Point E goes smoothly enough. They've scoped out the city and carried out the bulk of the shopping. All that remains is the obvious: their very last objective today.
Sending the vanguard ahead to get their housing situation for the evening settled, Lelouch continues to impose himself on Jeremiah's patience for the ten minutes or so he spends staring at a row of dairy aisle pudding cups in abject silence. The fluorescent lights above them blink intermittently, one moth circling and circling around one dying bulb. ]
Between Madagascan and Tahitian vanilla, which would you pick? [ For the grievous sin of not carrying French vanilla in this establishment, Lelouch needs to choose from flavors far more exotic than he's used to, examining and re-examining the labels like a child enamored with sweets. Every shade of vanilla, and yet so little time to contemplate. He doesn't glance up when he eventually deposits one of each in the basket. One for him, one for Jeremiah. ] Don't hold back on my behalf. I won't stop you, if there's something you want as well.
no subject
The similarities after that are fleeting, gone from his mind as the lights bloom in the courtyard all around them. Jeremiah hadn't realized quite how dim it had been before then, but the young man standing before him comes into such sharper focus for it, framing the fall of his hair and bathing his face in warmth. The fit of Lelouch's hand tightens, almost in the same second that he wonders if he should try to let go, stalling them for a beat. Then two. The moment passes, the other man releases his grip, and it's not until he breaks eye contact and turns his back that Jeremiah finds himself able to inhale again.]
You're right. [Not an apology. Impassioned or not, his risk was still calculated and deliberately taken. Shouldering his hefty pack and securing it, faintly mirroring a smirk.] I'll strive to contain myself all the same.
[Keep rebuking him so softly and he's going to develop some bad habits, Lelouch.
From there, things move swiftly per their ever-timely schedule, Jeremiah in quiet tow to exchange any items between their parties. He's somewhat left on autopilot by the time he's fielding inquiries he might have had answers to, had he not tuned out Lloyd's ramblings on the subject in his youth, his gaze instead fixed to the boxes of herbal tea on the shelf. Translating isn't helping him ascertain much at all, unfamiliar with too many of the ingredients to imagine their flavor. What a team they make, when assigned a task like this.
He glances down into the basket.] Seems you already decided. [He returns the box he was holding to the shelf, brows still knit in indecision.]
If you have expertise to lend here, by all means.
no subject
[ Partially to observe Siberian tea rites, partially to satiate that sweet tooth of his as he wanders over to grab a small tin, deposits it just as assuredly. ]
I'll go on ahead. Join me when you're done.
[ There he goes.
After they've waited in line and paid for their purchases, Lelouch meticulously folding the receipt strip away, he glances sidelong, observing him from beneath his lashes as they walk along the streets, taking a roundabout path to the designated safe house for the evening. ]
What's the most striking thing about Siberian architecture to you?
no subject
For Lelouch, though. Jeremiah should pick something for himself too, right? It's an afterthought, only prompted by his prince. For all that he's kept pace, his mind is still a swirl from their conversation, has been for minutes now. Jeremiah suspects it may remain so for the rest of the night, in the morning, until Lelouch does the honors.
Slightly down the row of teas, he finds the oolongs, some labeled in Cyrillic, others in Chinese characters. He hadn't taken the time to appreciate them much before, but it's common enough in the geographical area. Trying it again had proven a shift in his palate, had he shied from it out of distaste before. Dark, earthy, but lacking the bitterness that makes him want for milk or honey. Perfect as it is.
Back on the street, his mind clears once more. It's become quiet, both serene and eerie as compared to the plaza, the hush of night falling heavy in the air. They pass by people every so often, but they're quiet too, content to go about their business as Lelouch and Jeremiah go about theirs.]
The intricacies on the trim, easily. There's almost no line or accent to some of these traditional buildings that isn't carved up to a decorative edge. It's a little garish sometimes, but the effect can be quite stunning.
no subject
Every so often, a car passes, its lights briefly sliding over their forms, elongating the shadows they cast before they melt back into the sidewalk. Walking along, Lelouch contemplates his answer with no small amount of contemplation. ]
They are a nice touch. ... I'd argue the spires. Rarely are they implemented for purely decorative purposes... so in a way, they reach towards the heavens.
[ And that's all he has on the matter, lapsing into silence until they reunite with their vanguard at their retreat for the night.
Settling in takes time. More time, even, than that grocery trip, as Lelouch busies himself in the room allotted to only him and Jeremiah, swiftly unpacking and flitting about the room. Separating their luggage between necessities and the extraneous, the first order of business is putting the kettle on for tea. Then, he lays out several things to their compatriots, who've gathered by the door of the room: their plans for tomorrow, the jaunt to the peninsula, how they'll need to put in plans for borrowing a caravan, and their return to the greater Eurasian continent in search of the next Geass user.
Afterwards, dismissing them all, Lelouch sits himself on the bed, the tea kettle whistling. ]
Would you mind preparing the tea, Jeremiah?
[ While Lelouch busies himself with the map, marking more coordinate points with a different-colored pen: green this time, notching one bright X after another into the sheet. ]
no subject
He removes his contact as well. It's not often he's wasting time gazing in mirrors lately, but it's comforting all the same to see himself and have orange and green both look back, rather than green on both. Jeremiah had tried wearing one over his robotic eye to match them the other way around, both orange as they once had been, but it had been too irritating to stand. Reconstructed skin around his eye, the shape of his prosthetic, he's just not sure why.
Jeremiah stares at himself for a long moment once he's done. He hasn't had much time to himself today, but he hasn't had much time away from Lelouch at all, so it's par for the course. Still, it's a chance to assess himself, the deepening copper of his complexion the longer they travel outdoors, metal points on his skin where his mask would attach, having peeled off the spots of latex he covers them with most of the time. No new or deepening lines; he looks, but he's not sure how his skin will age yet. There's still many unknowns about how his body will change and deteriorate over time.
Amethyst eyes, heavy-lidded and dark as night and yet boring straight through him like industrial equipment to tissue paper. Jeremiah still can't place the look near the docks that he'd received, what it is Lelouch had seen, but the longer he stares into his own irises the more he sees another set burning into his mind's eye. We may as well be insatiable.
He finishes up, working the thought back into the fold. It's not much use to spend time ruminating on every piece of Lelouch he can't put together or it's all he'd have time for, but the hollow ache left in his chest is disquieting regardless.
Stepping out of the bathroom, Jeremiah returns what he no longer needs to his belongings and tucks the large pack out of the way. The timing fits when the kettle goes from barely steaming to whistling, and he heads over to pick up where he'd left off.]
Of course. [Jeremiah grabs the steeper and the box of tea, briefly examining it again if it has a guide for the temperature. He finds none, so he eyeballs the same amount of leaves as usual for the two of them and settles it into the pot. Taking the kettle, he begins pouring it over, his nose getting a first glimpse as steam starts rising up.]
How's progress coming along? [Better than taking a stab at what he's marking, should it not jump out to him whenever he gets a glimpse of his work.]
no subject
[ For their monster to gaze upon and petrify, forever, in the throes of catatonia. Unfortunate, then, that Lelouch is a monster in his own right, preparing for every eventuality, closing in the target with terrible precision. Snake-like and still so amicable when he stops brandishing the pen as his sword, settling it down on the table. ]
From what I've deduced, that geass affects the hearing, distorting the voices of those around you. It's triggered by a certain phrase, or a song, much like a siren called forth from the depths.
[ Isn't that sweet? Lulled to a slow death to a beautiful melody. Lelouch considers it, ruffling through his belongings to retrieve two pairs of earplugs. ]
That's what these are for.
[ Specially made, and why that stop in Saint Petersburg was necessary, all the way on the other side of Russia. They aren't necessary for Jeremiah, but he'd prefer to save him that auditory horror. ]
You're far better suited to this task than I. Nevertheless... by this time tomorrow, it'll be checkmate.
[ He folds the map, handing it to Jeremiah. If the tea's steeped enough, he'll pour himself a cup and take a sip. There's a high chance it'll register as scorchingly hot to him, however, given his poor circulation. ]
Not going to shower? I'll go ahead of you if you don't speak up now.
no subject
Understood. It certainly would explain the strange limitations of who becomes affected, if it's not purely triggered by range.
[Taking the map, he tucks it into his pocket for the moment for safekeeping, then turns back to the tea. They don't have much of a proper set to speak of, but they have what they need to make it work. At least they have a pair of cups and a carton of milk and the sugar cubes from earlier, set on a tray not likely intended for this. Jeremiah eyes the color as Lelouch pours, though he realizes he can't judge this particular mix by sight alone anyway given he's never had it before. It looks dark enough, he supposes, pouring himself half a cup as well but leaving the steeper in the pot for the moment.
He lifts his cup and saucer, having a taste as well to see how it compares to the aroma. It's not bad, even if herbal teas don't often appeal to him, a little on the light side but not too weak to drink. Lelouch did mention sugar, though he refrains for the moment, not one to sweeten anything and everything.] By all means, go ahead. I've still got things to prepare.
[Another sip, just to ponder the flavor a little longer.] Hm... your thoughts on this blend?
no subject
[ But Lelouch is particular as he is cagey, rising to stand as he gently sets the cup down with a soft clink. ]
I won't be long, Jeremiah.
[ On that note, Lelouch dismisses himself to the bathroom and prepares a shower. The habits of a fussy noble he's cultivated over his formative years are resistant to change, though the same doesn't hold true for the shower head, the temperature of the water switching from blisteringly hot to ice cold as it sluices down. Scrubbing down his body with the bevy of soaps and shampoos he'd bought, he considers the futility of this whole endeavor. It'll likely go on forever, and as someone with only eternity lying ahead, it's something to consider: if this is all there is and will be. Chasing down rogue geass users for the injustice they wreak.
The endlessness of this pursuit.
Toweling off and changing, he returns, scanning about the room for Jeremiah. It's telling enough in its own right, seeking him out. ]
no subject
How long have they been on the road? Stopping to smell the roses goes a long way, and goodness knows Lelouch can't find contentment by standing still, so it's the best compromise. Of course there's the obligation to commit themselves by their natures and their skill sets, the fire needed to fight fire. Jeremiah's used to the restlessness of the long game after his years in the military, hungry for the taste of victory but often beset by the realities of conflict. It can take time, all the careful planning and patience, rather than jumping at any shot they have and simply taking it. When the final play comes in, when they inevitably win out tomorrow, he'll finally get to savor that feeling again.
And then with time, his hunger will return. Restlessness sets in. The driving force in him is different, he thinks, but Jeremiah feels it too. He knows he won't ever get his fill on this alone, if this is the only way he can seek a sense of accomplishment, a life to look back upon when he's on his deathbed and know it had been worth something.
Doing it all not just for himself but for someone else, committed to a higher purpose, would it truly make it meaningful enough to fill the gaps?
Grave as it is, Jeremiah doesn't lose himself to despondency, and tries to shift his thoughts elsewhere. For his unwavering loyalty, it's not an uncommon thread to ponder for him, but he also knows he's become jaded to his own mortality. Fighting in a Knightmare Frame was always his strength, but he's only ever engaged in battle these days with twin blades, his Canceller, and faith in himself. It's actually become quite easy, considering how deep the discrepancy in strength runs between himself and the average human being, no matter how armored or well-armed they may be. How easily they crumple to the ground from a single strike.
When he sees Lelouch return again, hair still damp, he's since moved to sit and rifle through his own belongings. He's procured a couple hangers, one for his jacket from earlier, another for tomorrow's clothes so they have some time to loosen up their wrinkles. In his hands, he has his mask finally fished out once more, working with a cleaning cloth to polish it up. He may not wear it in public to maintain anonymity, but he'll want it tomorrow. There's not a fight he's prepared for in advance, against enemies he'd reveal himself to regardless, where he didn't don it. He has little need for extra protection, it just feels right.
Jeremiah smiles faintly.] How is the water pressure?
no subject
[ Enfeebled. Decrepit. Water that kept sputtering like a creature upon its death throes, ready to give out after he's only finished lathering his hair. The former Zero, lauded as a miracle-worker, nearly outdone by a showerhead. A testament to the futility of man. ]
Nothing to raise complaints towards, mind you.
[ He's been dealt a worse hand before. Lelouch seats himself, the bathrobe tugged more snuggly about him. His hair's faintly dripping still as he sits on the bed. He won't be able to sleep tonight, either; only a stretch of a few hours before he'll rouse again, more vehement, with a temperament like a slap across the face. It isn't until toweled himself into some semblance of dry that he speaks up once more. ]
I'd recommend you go as well. You'll need it. It may be a while before we're able to remain in a place of this caliber again.
[ Somewhere the threat of being taken out while asleep doesn't hold so much of a risk. Lelouch lays out his clothes for the evening but doesn't change into them, merely sorting them out. ]
... Does it help?
[ The mask, he means. A non-sequitur, though his eyes give away his intent, staring pointedly at the object clutched between Jeremiah's fingers. In many ways, it's the closest thing to good luck that they have, a relic of the old regime turned into a symbol, much in the way Suzaku— through his figurative demise— has become a symbol of peace. ]